Proper Work Relationship Boundaries

Boundaries are important to establish in the work environment, especially between a single person and married individual.

Phil Asks Nancy for Relationship Advice:

“I have a very close female friend in my office. She is more comfortable with me than other staffs. She consults with me for each and every thing which is related to work and some personal problems also. She is not married but I am. She touches me quite often in my hands, shoulders and even sometime she touches me with her knees on my legs when she is talking to me. Sometimes she plays with her hair, adjust her clothes, plays with her jewelry when she comes to my office cabin. At times we have some flirtatious or sexy talks and jokes.

She has a boyfriend who is a close friend of mine. Whenever I call her when she is with her boyfriend she does not answer it or she is very formal and wants to finish the call. But she calls me back immediately once she is away from him. I want to know she is just a friend or she is interested in me.”

Nancy’s Relationship Advice:

Dear Phil,

To start, I believe you should ask yourself, Why am I having an emotional affair with my close friends girlfriend? Understandably, one of the primary components of the foundation of marriage is monogamy. Have no illusions that this type of behavior is leading you down a path towards a physical affair. You can say the words, I love my wife, but your behavior and actions with this woman convey the message that you are available.

To answer your question, I believe she is interested in you, but more than likely she is interested simply because you are not available. If you were available, chances are you would not be appealing to her and vice-versa. I strongly encourage you to take a good look at what your life would be like if your wife found out that you are having an emotional affair or if it escalated to a physical affair. Do you want to risk losing everything you value? Many marriages can be repaired after such a revelation, but I can assure you that there usually is lingering trust issues that may never be fully restored.

Many times we allow our minds to deceive us by rationalizing that this person is simply a friend. By opening the door to be her confidante, you are playing with emotional fire and allowing yourself to become more involved with her life than is appropriate for a married man. Breaking off this relationship will not be easy because it is satisfying a need for emotional validation which you may not be receiving at home. However, looking at the core of what is driving this behavior will be one of the keys to create an emotionally healthy environment in your marriage.

For more resources on how you can improve your relationships, please start with the following:

Relationship Coaching Package