Keeping Personal Standards

Uncompromising attitude toward personal standards is essential.

Dating deal breakers are character qualities and lifestyle differences that are not compatible for a long term relationship. Personal standards are important not to compromise. Even if you believe you have a strong connection with the person you are dating, what is a challenge now, will magnify once a commitment and possible marriage has taken place. Most people know they are dating someone who is incompatible very early on, but allow their fears about the possibility of finding another person to date greater than the fear of sharing life with someone has marked differences.

Why do women over 50 settle in love?

  • Fear it is last chance for love. After 50, it is vital to not allow the fear of this person being the last chance one has for love to overpower the choice of staying with the evolving relationship. The longer you date, the more emotionally attached you become and the more you rationalize and justify staying with the wrong man. The purpose of dating is to ascertain compatibility, not to lower your standards because you believe there is a scarcity of available men. Being alone is much better than being in the wrong relationship.

  • Confident she can change him. Seeing all the character flaws in a man and then believing your will can change him is the wrong way to look at a person. Any personal revelation and true renewal comes from within through new awareness. Most people have some redeemable qualities, but that is not enough to establish a solid foundation when differences are very apparent. Men are not your personal projects: the key is to date those with similar life and relationship goals, who possess the standards you must have in love.

  • Dishonors personal deal breakers. All relationships require compromise, but not deal breakers. Unrealistic expectations are not the same as a personal standards. Look at the character of the men you date to determine if you ascribe to the same life outlook.

  • Some examples of compromising dating deal breakers include:

  • Differences in religious beliefs. It is so easy to choose to see a person's good qualities and ignore the foundation which a long term relationship should be established. Do not discount your faith as a negotiable and something you can practice alone. Shared faith allows a couple to solidify their connection with one another and builds a unity that cannot be achieved when you do not have the same beliefs.

  • Age gap in children. An empty nester may not want to relive the teenage years again. Before you decide you can't live without him, make sure you discuss in depth and express honestly those true feelings.

  • Monetary differences. Many women I speak to become targets for men who have character flaws because they are lonely. Opening that door can lead to attracting men who have addiction issues and sketchy employment records. They always need additional funds and quickly look to you as a bank. The hoped for relationship you desired becomes an avenue for these types of men to support their lifestyle at your expense, emotionally and monetarily.

  • Temperament incompatibility. Some people love staying at home and living a quiet, relatively inactive life. Others love adventure, travel and participate in a range of physical activity. It is important to search your heart truthfully in this area because it can become a huge sore spot in a long term relationship. One of the joys of marriage is sharing the things you love with one another; so make sure your lifestyles and temperaments are compatible.

  • The right relationship happens when you know what is important in love and commitment. Do not be passive about dating and allowing yourself to fall into a dating situation with a man who is not worthy of your love, devotion and affection. Having standards is not being picky; it is knowing yourself and what you can comfortably live with in a long term relationship leading to marriage.

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