My Wife Loves Me, But Isn't In Love Anymore

It is vital that spouses communicate how they desire to receive love from the beginning so feelings of mutual love can stay alive.

Gene Asks Nancy for Relationship Advice:

“My wife and I have been married for 21 years. She told me she still loves me but is not as much in love with me as she used to be. Now she has started talking on her cell phone and texting a few guys, she says they are friends only and swears on our kids lives there is nothing to worry about. She went back to her home town last weekend and went out two times with an old girlfriend from high school without telling me anything about it. When I am around her I feel strange ... I feel like she is hard to talk to.

We have talked about divorce. She tells me I can leave if I want to, she wont try to stop me. When I ask her if she wants me to leave she gets upset and tells me she would tell me if she wanted me to leave. She said she wasn’t scared to let me to leave if she wanted to. She says she doesn’t know what she wants. I love her with all of my heart and I want it to work. She says it will take time.

I didn’t show her much attention during our time together and she lost a lot of weight. She said since she lost the weight guys tell her how good she looks and I never told her anything. I also have a feeling she may be cheating on me. I try to talk to her about us but she always gets mad.

She said she was going to make an appointment to a marriage counselor because she owes it to me and the kids to try. When I ask her if she is going for her too and she doesn’t answer. Then she said if she didn’t care she wouldn’t go. I don’t know what to do but I feel that it is over and she is getting her ducks in a row, getting bills paid to leave me.”

Nancy’s answer to Gene’s fears that his wife will leave him:

Dear Gene,

The one statement that really highlights the core of why your wife feels she is not in love with you is her comment that you did not seem to notice the change in her appearance. In my opinion, this is a sign that she has felt emotionally neglected throughout a long period of time in your marriage and finally came to the point where she started looking for validation from other men. Of course, her perception of your lack of interest in her does not make her behavior acceptable either.

It is a positive sign that she is open and willing to go to a marriage counselor with you and I encourage you to follow up on her lead in this direction. Many times the hurt is just so deep and painful that it does take another person to provide a safe place to vent those feelings. I know it is a very frustrating and hurtful time for both of you right now, but please start taking the approach that you can and will work through this together and come out on the other side much stronger as a couple. You need to do everything in your power to fight for your marriage, your relationship and your family. As you will find out in counseling, every person needs to receive love in a particular way and it is our duty as spouses to be in tune with those desires. It is not enough that you provide for your wife and family, but you need to participate in the relationship ... and that does take time, effort and commitment. Yes, she may know you do love her, but she needs to hear the words as well as see your love demonstrated in your actions.

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My Wife Loves Me, But Isn't In Love Anymore

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