Facebook Encounter Regrets

Social networking can be a great tool you can utilize to meet people outside your normal, everyday routine. Many lead to long-term relationships and eventual marriages. However, the trap can be creating a false sense of emotional intimacy before you ever meet. Let’s take a look at Rob’s story and how his date ended up with second thoughts.

Rob asks Nancy about a date he thought went very well:

“I’m in a dilemma and I think I did something to blow a potentially good thing. I have been talking with a girl for the last month or so, and everything was going so well — chatting, chemistry and what not talking on the phone, plus chatting online, so I decided to head up to see her.

I live in Maryland, and she’s in Maine.

I drove up to see her this weekend, and things could not have gone any better. We did dinner and a movie and spent about 5 hours together that night. After the date, we ended up kissing for well over 10 minutes in the car before I decided to call it a night.

We met up the next morning, and we attended a birthday party for a friend of hers. Well, she didn’t have enough time to buy a gift, so I bought a gift card and fronted the money until I got paid back. We had a good time at the party and I took pictures for her friend — I do pro stuff part time, and that was that.

Thereafter, she invited me over her place and I met her kids. We had a lobster dinner — she, I and the kids at her place — and then we cuddled up and watched a movie. After the movie — it was late, she was tired, but she invited me to her bedroom and we cuddled and kissed again passionately until she went to sleep. There was no sex involved, but it was fairly steamy. I slept in her bed until morning and then we had breakfast, before I had to leave.

Again, we had passionate kissing for about ten minutes, and then I drove off. When I was driving home, I sent her a text message, and then I saw her Facebook profile noting a message noting, “not sure if having an open heart is or good or not”.

So we talked some more, and she says she enjoyed her time went well, plus her kids and pet loved me. I will also add that she said that she’s not trying to rush into anything and I told her that neither am I. She also added that she falls hard for men, and she has had to let a lot of them go. She is a nine year divorcee.

So, we chat on Facebook the day after, and then I replied back to a few of her posts. Thereafter, I don’t see her — she’s posting in the meantime, and decided to block me. I give her a call, and sent her text. The funny thing too is that her daughter decided to also friend me, but I told her that I should wait and get permission before anything.

I emailed her seeing this — I didn’t think there was any problem beforehand — and said what’s wrong. She unblocked me and said, “I need you to give me space. Thanks.” So, I said — look, I am sorry, but we used talked like this and especially what happened this weekend. She then told me to chill out and take 10 steps back, again, I said sorry to her.

She also added that these little things:
* I need you to please give me some space!!!! I’m not rushing into anything.
* You need to chill out! I’ll forgive you but please take 10 steps back.
* I told you I needed time to process.
* I do like you, but if you can’t give me space I guess that leaves me with no other option then to have no more contact.
Then, when I asked her about when she’d try to contact me again, she says this:
* I don’t know. I don’t have a “schedule”. Please just chill!!!

I don’t know where all this came from, but it is very weird. I would not ordinarily even entertain the thought of meeting up with her; however, things went so well this weekend, that I think I’m just going to wait and see what’s going on.

I will not email or call to see what’s going on at least until next week, or if even the weekend.

Any advice?”

Nancy’s Relationship Advice to Rob:

Dear Rob,

Although you did make a connection in which you both felt positive enough to pursue in person, the problem with sharing so much personal information before you meet creates a false sense of trust. You do not “know” each other even though it may appear that you are close due to the email exchanges. Mutual trust and respect takes time to build in person.

Spending a weekend together in a manner that most married couples would do is not the correct way to start dating someone. The first dates are a courtship stages in which you spend a little time together getting to know each other. What you did is spend an entire weekend with someone you do not know - and who does not know you - in a very intimate manner. You even shared the same bed which is a definite no-go for successful long-term dating leading to commitment.

She is back pedaling because she feels very emotionally vulnerable towards you too quickly. This weekend with you probably triggered some issues that perhaps she has not worked through from her former marriage. Of course, this is not to say what happened is all her fault.

My advice is for you to explore why you felt the need to rush right into a commitment and bypass dating this person. It is important that you discover these answers because until you do, you will face this type of situation in love again.

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Facebook Encounter Regrets

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